pinching off turds

so today turned out to be an eventful wednesday...after a boring day at work i got home just in time to squeeze into some extra tight bike butt shorts that had just came in the mail from the ebay fairy and make my way towards riverside park where i had heard there was gonna be this "ride of silence" to honor fallen bikers or something like that. I was mostly hoping to run into some hot redhead biker that i could hit on with my new padded butt and sexy blue bike helmet...unfortunately all i got to talk to was bob, a 72-year-old non-redhead with yellow teeth. which wasn't all that bad until towards the end of this 12 mile ride we got yelled at because it was supposed to be a ride of "silence" and had i been paying more attention they really meant it and here i'd been flirting with ole creepy mc creep the whole time and we were the only ones talking..anywho, so i biked back home and watched some tv with the roomies, when i was about to go to bed, i decided to let the dogs out one last time to piss and fart and get everything taken care of...after about 3 minutes i open the door, pedro sprints in...belle follows...and then ronnie starts shuffling himself in when i notice he's kinda still in hunched-over-mid-poop-position....and then i spotted the 6 inch turd still dangling from his butthole..yaya...so i scream at him to go back outside but he gives me a scared look and decides to sit on the thing. however it does not fall off...angie and meg in between cracking up help me usher him outside where after some coaxing and a plastic red cup and the most courage i could muster up i finally get to help dislodge the clingy poop that was holding on for dear life to good ole ronnies butthole....yep..that's my story and i just thought i'd write it down so i don't forget my fun adventures from today..wahoo! sorry i didn't get any pictures..maybe i'll have him re-enact it tomorrow